Strength in Numbers

Cars, Birds, & Following Up (Weeks 4 & 5 of the Go First Challenge!)

Especially under a white winter sky, void of clouds or sun, I notice a large V, like a tight rope folded over on itself but a little bit wonky. (Yes, wonky is an official word.)

Of course, I am talking about birds.

I love watching birds up close or far away, and something I marvel at is their keen sense of togetherness. Did you know that birds fly together for a variety of reasons?

• They take flight in formations to help them find their way. (Yes, that guy at the front of the V is the leader.)

• They fly together for safety because it protects them from predators.

• Their communal flights are practical, providing them with greater efficiency. Due in part to the formation in front of them, they take advantage of air currents.

So, as much as we would like to take credit, staying together is not an “us” phenomenon; it’s been around since creation.

In case you missed it, my friend Amanda Wettersten of One Hundred People Project, are co-hosting an 8-week challenge called Go First.

It’s basically a way to help people form some type of community. In-person community is the best, in my opinion, but I have gained immensely from some online communities I’m part of, too (like my friendship with Amanda!). So form away!

We wanted to make the idea of getting to know someone in your actual physical sphere easier — whether that’s someone at the grocery checkout, a new neighbor, or the woman at the gym who works out in the same class as you every week. If we’ve been around awhile, it can feel awkward at best and mortifying at worst. So, we launched this challenge to break the idea of welcoming others into tiny tasks that feel so small, they’re simple.

Last Week’s Challenge & Cars

What does the Week 3 challenge (“Ask a Question”) have to do with cars?

Well, sometimes everyday life can be the opportunity we’ve been waiting for. Let me explain.

Last week didn’t go as planned. I wanted to ask a question of a neighbor or a new friend from church. But with deadlines looming, a husband who had traveled out of the country, and me wearing my Uber-mom hat one too many times, I just didn’t get the chance.

You know what I did do?

I took my car in for a repair. Again, not expected but something I had to do.

It turns out that, while my husband was overseas, an unexpected short road trip became a necessity. I knew that there was no way I could drive a few hours at night without two working headlights. (One of my car’s headlights had been on the brink for a few months, but we made do since I rarely drive long distances at night.)

But the time had come.

I asked around since we are new in our city and drove across town to the recommended mechanic. They were able to take me the very next morning and promised to have the issue fixed before my road trip.

While waiting on my car, I met a woman who also had an unplanned car need: a flat tire on her first day of work. (Hey, April!)

I really felt for her. I can’t imagine being en route to a new job when I hit a nail. How terrible!

While she and I were both waiting for our cars, we struck up a conversation. When she mentioned her new job, I asked her what it was and where she had to go.

That was all it took. We started talking about careers and how her current job isn’t what she started out for nor what she went to school to do. We talked about where she’d raised her boys and how her son’s health issues meant her original career took a backseat to his needs.

And guess what?

Both of us realized that our childen have the same diagnosis. It’s not something you run into every day, and wow, what a moment! She’s a little further down the road than I am, but her son’s case more complex, too.

Still, it was such a beautiful pitstop. At a crowded, grimy mechanic’s office, we bonded over how isolating it can sometimes feel to parent a child with special medical needs. Even through her strong exterior (no doubt made stronger by the years she’d gone through with her son), I could tell she was weary of the worry that can settle on even the most faith-filled mom.

I encouraged her that it was good the specialists were looking at the issue from mutliple angles now, and that even though her son was an adult, it never gets easier. You’re always Mom, and he’s always going to be her baby.

Her car’s tire was fixed before my headlight, so I told her it was great to meet her and told her to have a great first day on the job.

Asking a simple question sparked a boomerang of blessing. I believe any question we ask with sincerity can do this, too. Even if your situation is different or your question didn’t land like you thought it would, what is something positive you took away from asking it?

Week 4 Challenge: Follow Up

We are almost finished with week 4’s challenge: following up. Amanda had some great tips about how to do this in her reel.

How am I following up?

Last week, I walked with a neighbor and followed up on life in the new neighborhood. I heard about her fence fiasco and how the owner made it right. I learned about a few neighbors who had moved in recently.

And this week, I’m following up with my best friend. I know it isn’t following up with a new person, but it’s a rarity! Since we moved, we don’t see each other nearly as often and we’re finally getting together by meeting in the middle (we live two-plus hours apart now).

I heard Sissy Goff and David Thomas talk recently about a stumbling block to developing empathy: assumptions. They were chatting about it as it relates to kids, but I think as adults, we’re just as guilty.

It is so easy to assume someone doesn’t want us to follow up with them, or they do not want to be asked a question.

But I’d beg to differ. I sat in a group of adults of all ages and walks of life earlier this week, and do you want to know what the prevailing theme was when they shared their stories?

They all desired a connection with another human being. Some were newly married with young children, and others had been married for a lifetime with grown children. Still others were single or newly single, so it really didn’t depend on marital status.

Everyone wants to feel like they belong or like they’ll be missed if they don’t show up one week.

So, here’s my thought to ponder as you head from Week 4 (Follow Up) into Week 5 (Send an email):

Who can I follow up with or send an email to so that I can make them feel noticed or like they belong?

Week 5: February 24-March 2

I’m going to highlight the week 5 challenge for #GoFirst a little earlier than usual since I think you might want time to consider it.

Sending an email may seem small. We do it all the time, right?

But this email is special. Amanda and I challenge ourselves and you to send an email with GOOD NEWS just because.

You may want to email your child’s coach to tell them you appreciate how much time they put into planning practices. Or maybe you want to send an email to your hairdresser to say “thank you” for all the times he listened to you.

Perhaps an email to your pastor or a friend’s mom who has always encouraged you from the sidelines of life… we can’t tell you who to email or exactly what to say, but try to think of someone who makes a quiet difference, someone who may not get a “thank you” very often.

I have in mind who I’m going to email; I’ll update you next week. In the meantime, I’ve got some fun bird resources for you, the reader; you, the writer, and the kids in your life.

Bird Resources: What to Read, Make, Share and Buy

1. Amy Tan’s book “The Backyard Bird Chronicles” is, according to David Allen Sibly, “a witty account of birding, nature, and the beauty around us that hides in plain sight.”

2. Who wouldn’t want to make a birdhouse out of a book? I can think of plenty young readers who need a “doing” activity after they’ve finished reading. This book is sure to be a hit!

3. This short article explores what we can learn from birds about communicating more effectively. Share these resources with teens or parents of teens who may benefit from the globally recognized PEERS program.

4. If you love to sit outside, this fun solar-powered light might be just the gift for yourself you didn’t know you needed.

5. One of the classics of how-to books on writing is Anne Lamott’s “Bird by Bird.” She has written on a variety of subjects that may interest you.

6. Looking for a recipe to share with friends, old and new? I promised a copy of the recipe on Instagram to anyone who subscribed to “On Stories” on Substack. I adapted a protein cookie recipe from Faster Way to Fat Loss; I love their workouts and have a great coach if you need one. Enjoy these cookies, and share them with a friend!

Protein Cookies - Serves 15

2/3 cup of Trader Joe’s Organic Rolled Oats (Ancient Grains & Seeds) - see photo below

1 medium banana, smashed

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

2 scoops vanilla protein powder (I used a plant-based powder found at my local Sam’s Club)

2 TBSP ground flax seed

2 TBSP peanut butter (I like this one from Kroger.)

1 tsp vanilla

very light sprinkle of cinnamon

2 TBSP dairy-free dark chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350, and line a baking sheet with silpat or parchment paper.

2. Mix all the ingredients in a bowl. If they look a little dry, add 1/2 tsp of melted coconut oil. This will bring them together just enough to hold up when you scoop them.

3. Scoop using a mini ice cream scoop or a rounded tablespoon. (I got 15 scoops out of my dough; you may get more or less depending on the scooper you use.)

4. Place two finger widths apart on the baking sheet, and bake for 10-12 minutes. Let cool for 5-10 minutes.